Short End Of The Stick

I hate to “steal” stuff from other blogs…but sometimes they say what I want to say…only much better than I ever could.

Once again, I read a blog post by Jen over at Living Life, with a side of Autism. She was talking about her younger son and how hard it is to see him not get as much attention and the things he has to deal with having a “special needs” sibling.  Please take a minute to go read it HERE.  Her post made me cry.  She is really good at making me do that with her touching words and the raw emotions she so beautifully writes about.
I too, feel horrible a lot of times for the “crap” Riley has to put up with and the horrible things Lilly says and does to him.  He is such a sweet boy and does not deserve to be the recipient of the majority of her anger.

Riley tells me that he doesn’t like the way Lilly acts or the way she treats him.  Some days when I pick him up from daycare, he says, “Do we have to pick up Lilly? She is so mean to me,” It breaks my heart.  I just tell him that I love him and I know that Lilly does too…but she has a hard time being nice to him and that doesn’t make it right…but that’s just how it is and I am sorry.

What kind of BS answer is that?  What else can I tell him?  Poor kid has to live in a house with someone that completely loathes him and does everything she can to remind him of that.  She will have rare moments when she will play with him and share her things with him.  As their Mother, it makes me so happy to seem them play and have fun.  Riley is just thrilled to pieces to be accepted by her.  But it doesn’t last long.  She is back to torturing or yelling at him in no time.  How confusing must that be to a 3 year old?

I can explain to Lilly how mean she is to him or ask how would she feel if he treated her that way…but to a person with Asperger’s or that has issues with empathy…what is the point?  She does not care one bit.

I worry that Riley will have self-esteem issues later on in life from being too scared to express himself or do what he really wants.  Will the harsh words she is constantly spewing at him sink in and will he believe them to be true?

I try my best to have one on one time with each kid.  Being a single Mom makes that pretty challenging but my parents are great at taking one of them for a short time so I can spend time with the other kid alone.

Lilly’s Doc recently suggested we try her on a medication that has been helpful in lessening aggression with kids on the Spectrum.   Her Dad and I are willing try give it a shot.   Her anger, yelling, mean hurtful words and frequent meltdowns are very hard for anyone around her to deal with.   I am praying that it helps and doesn’t have any major side effects.

I just want to have fun with my kids and NOT be their constant referee.