Short End Of The Stick

I hate to “steal” stuff from other blogs…but sometimes they say what I want to say…only much better than I ever could.

Once again, I read a blog post by Jen over at Living Life, with a side of Autism. She was talking about her younger son and how hard it is to see him not get as much attention and the things he has to deal with having a “special needs” sibling.  Please take a minute to go read it HERE.  Her post made me cry.  She is really good at making me do that with her touching words and the raw emotions she so beautifully writes about.
I too, feel horrible a lot of times for the “crap” Riley has to put up with and the horrible things Lilly says and does to him.  He is such a sweet boy and does not deserve to be the recipient of the majority of her anger.

Riley tells me that he doesn’t like the way Lilly acts or the way she treats him.  Some days when I pick him up from daycare, he says, “Do we have to pick up Lilly? She is so mean to me,” It breaks my heart.  I just tell him that I love him and I know that Lilly does too…but she has a hard time being nice to him and that doesn’t make it right…but that’s just how it is and I am sorry.

What kind of BS answer is that?  What else can I tell him?  Poor kid has to live in a house with someone that completely loathes him and does everything she can to remind him of that.  She will have rare moments when she will play with him and share her things with him.  As their Mother, it makes me so happy to seem them play and have fun.  Riley is just thrilled to pieces to be accepted by her.  But it doesn’t last long.  She is back to torturing or yelling at him in no time.  How confusing must that be to a 3 year old?

I can explain to Lilly how mean she is to him or ask how would she feel if he treated her that way…but to a person with Asperger’s or that has issues with empathy…what is the point?  She does not care one bit.

I worry that Riley will have self-esteem issues later on in life from being too scared to express himself or do what he really wants.  Will the harsh words she is constantly spewing at him sink in and will he believe them to be true?

I try my best to have one on one time with each kid.  Being a single Mom makes that pretty challenging but my parents are great at taking one of them for a short time so I can spend time with the other kid alone.

Lilly’s Doc recently suggested we try her on a medication that has been helpful in lessening aggression with kids on the Spectrum.   Her Dad and I are willing try give it a shot.   Her anger, yelling, mean hurtful words and frequent meltdowns are very hard for anyone around her to deal with.   I am praying that it helps and doesn’t have any major side effects.

I just want to have fun with my kids and NOT be their constant referee.

Asperger King

Saw this recently on another blog and it made me “LOL”.

With my life, you gotta have a sense of humor to survive.

Our eventful week

Well, it's Sunday night. Kids are in bed, I'm getting ready for bed too but I have a lovely mask on my face right now in hopes to halt the convention of zits sprouting up on my face. Darn hormones!! I have a date on Wednesday and do not want to show up looking like this.

So, gonna do a quick week recap.

Lilly started school this week. She is now in 2nd grade. Her new teacher is named Mrs. Stump and she seems very nice. The first week was an adjustment for Lilly, but we knew that would happen. Her teacher also needs to learn a lot about Lilly and what makes her tick... and Also what makes her "Ticked off". Lol. I'm sure after a couple weeks it will be fine.

Aunt Dee and Uncle Bob are visiting from Florida. I love when they come out. The kids love them too and have a great time just hanging out over at my parent's. Uncle Bob and Lilly were planting hibiscus in my Mom's yard. She loved the digging and watering. Lil sprayed Riley with the hose and I ended up just stripping them down to their undies so the could play in the water. A little white trash... but oh well.

Today was Church, we were late...yep, again. Great sermon about accepting others and how change is good. Pastor Marc said a really great and touching prayer about surrendering your big burdens... made me cry. Lilly was on my mind and all the struggles I go through with her.

Grabbed a quick Lunch at Subway and Headed to Balboa Park. We rode the carousel, train and they got their faces painted. It was fun.

I was soooo tired, I actually fell asleep while reading a bedtime story to the kids. Whoops.

Here's some pix... they're out of order... but you'll figure it out.

A change in plans.

When I originally started this blog, I was inspired by a few other blogs that I was reading. They post clever, funny and beautifully written stories about theirs lives, families, kids, their awesome talents as crafters, photographers and more.

I have never been very good at writing. I dropped Freshman Englishl/composition at least 3 times. I don't really have any special talents or gifts worth blogging about. Sometimes I swear I am the world's crummiest Mom as well. I lose my patience, yell, spank my kids, and have a messy, chaotic house and life.

My life is overwhelming and exhausting a lot of the time. I just do my very best to plan and do fun activities with my kids. I'm hoping to build happy memories from their childhood.

When my kids are with their Dad, I squeeze in some me time when I can. I muddle through the world of online dating, try to get together with friends and family, do an occasional craft project, and do my best to keep up with laundry, cleaning, errands and chores. (Which I always fail miserably at)

From now on, I'm just going to keep this blog as a daily-ish record of my/our everyday life. I take pictures all the time and want to post them here to share with friends and family.

Hope that's okay with the handful of people who follow this blog.

Team name contest

I decided that I want to put together a team and do the Walk for Autism. I had the idea last year ...but I am a slacker so I'm just now getting around to it and the walk in about 2 months. Doh!

So...I need to think of a team name.
On my Mommy board group that I belong to, I somehow became the person to come up with nicknames or titles or what have you ...but I'm drawing a blank with this.

I got the suggestion to go with the name of my blog ...but my family is not aware of my blog and I want to keep it that way. Plus, I'm not sure if its appropriate to have kids wearing t-shirts that say "ASS"burgers on it. Although it is funny.

I want it to have to do with Lilly, Asperger's, and be clever or cute. But not too clever or none of the Aspies will get it. *Snickers to myself*
She is very girly and loves rainbows, unicorns, mermaids, fairies and all that kind of crap.

Some of you folks are funny as hell ...please throw me some ideas.

The person with the winning name gets...um....a free shirt with the team name from our walk? Lol, how's that for lamest prize ever?? Ha. Sorry!


edited to add... I asked Lilly and she LOVED the Assburgers idea. She said it was funny! (YAY!) Or I got the suggestion of "Team TigerLilly".

I found a cool site that you can design team shirts and other merchandise on... so I started on a shirt.... just mesing around for now.

Custom t-shirt printing at CustomInk.com

Vacation Bible School FAIL

Every evening this week for 2 hours the kids are going to vacation bible school (VBS) at our church.

Lilly has gone for the past four years but this is Ri's first year.
Most of the people in our church have known the kids since they were born so they kinda know what to expect... but my kids have always been in separate classes on Sundays and it's just an hour. (Well, we're usually about 15 mins late so not even a full hour.)
Yeah, I know... I suck. I'd like to see you try and get these monsters out the door on time. It is next to impossible.

Anyway, I came back to pick the kids up after VBS and I got to see them sing their last song before it was over. Only, my kids were not standing there or singing. They were running away from their leader and goofing around. Lilly has had really bad issues with chewing things lately (I think it is the summer chaos and major change in routine) and she had chewed the front of her shirt into a soggy mess. The teacher was holding Riley while he squirmed in her arms. *sigh*.
When she saw me coming towards her, she gave me an exasperated look and jokingly said, "I'm surprised that you're not a raging alcoholic!!!"

How mortifying and sad is that? I know she was trying to be funny...and she was but Oy, its still really embarrassing. And...they only have them for 2 hours.  I live with these lovely monsters every single day.

On night 3 of VBS I arrived to pick them up and Lilly was off in the aisles away from her group with no shoes on. She was running around and not paying any attention to what the leader was telling them about. Her group leader looked less than pleased to see me. I can tell she was just done dealing with her. She said Lilly did nothing except run away from the group and have meltdowns over every little thing. I told her that the kids would not be coming back again. It is just not fair to those people that volunteer their time to have to deal with such frustration and exhausting behavior from my kids. I’m already embarrassed to show my face there again.

On the drive home, I had a “talk” with my kids. I told them that I was so embarrassed of their behavior and that they could not go back to VBS this week if they could not act their age and conduct themselves in a somewhat civilized manner. Now, I know Lilly is not your typical kid. She has Asperger’s. We all know this.
At one point during my “talk” at them, Lilly interrupts me and says,” Mom, you have already said this to us about 50 times. And why do I have to “ACT” like everyone else…why can’t I just “BE” how I am?”

WOW.

She is right.
I know she is not like everyone else so why I am expecting her to be? Granted, she can improve her behavior and could have acted a little more mature and not so wild…but she was in a large group of kids, with music and lots of things going on. That is just an obvious overstimulation to her brain.
I told her that she could be who she is...but if that means she causes a disturbance and makes things difficult for the teachers, that she probabaly should not be attending those kinds of events anymore.  She was sad...but understood.

Those moments where your kids catch you off guard and teach you something are bittersweet. I felt like such an ass...but was so proud of Lil for knowing who she is and being willing to speak up for herself.

Riley, well...he's a 3 year old boy ....I'm still working on him.

June Gloom

Here in Southern California we get what everyone refers to as "June Gloom" and it is a lovely continuation of "May Gray".
It stays gloomy and overcast most days.   Sometimes the sun comes for a bit here and there but it goes back behind its soupy sheet of clouds.
I am not a fan of gloomy weather... but I do have a strange fascination with fluffy clouds and sun shining through dark clouds.   I guess it's because we don't get them very often here
I stop and take pix with my phone every time I see one that catches my eye.  
So,  I'm gonna share my pix from this week.   Sorry if this bores you to tears.