I realize that this is going to sound really whiney, mopey and just plain pathetic.
I actually hate what I am about to tell you because if I heard anyone else be this way I would think they were acting like a self centered baby. But… it is how I feel.
My birthday is December 23rd…yep, two days before Christmas. I have always hated my birthday. As a kid, nobody would come to my party, they were too busy with other holiday stuff. I never got to bring cupcakes to school or have pool parties. I understand saying this now, as an adult, it sounds really lame…but when I was a kid I felt like I was getting the shaft. Sharing a birthday with Jesus is just not easy.
When I grew up (if I ever really did) I decided that birthdays are for kids and I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it or expect anything from anyone. Fine, right?
I make an effort to make birthdays a BIG deal for my significant other, friends, my kids, coworkers etc. It is the one day a year that is YOUR day. It should be special dammit!
Even though I tell myself not to care…I still do. I can’t help it.
Last year, I was in a relationship with someone and he made it a point to make my birthday super fun and special. It was a really nice and rare treat.
This year…I am not in a relationship. I just started dating a guy a couple weeks ago but we won’t even see each other on my birthday, we both have our kids. My parents offered to let my kids spend the night so that I could go out…but where am I going to go? To dinner alone? No thanks!
Today at work, they had a potluck for me and a couple other coworkers that have birthdays too. Usually, our work potlucks are insane. SO much yummy stuff…it is a sure fire gastric bomb…but totally worth it. Today, yeah… not so much! Such a dud. Half of our dept is already out on vacation and only 3 people brought stuff…stuff I don’t really like. I ended up walking over to the cafeteria and getting myself a breakfast burrito.
I’m sorry to be whiney about this.. it really is stupid…but it just sucks. I didn’t even have any expectations about the silly potluck...but it was just soooo lame. I hate feeling let down.
So yeah…all you non birthday enthusiasts…kiss my ass!! I am going to throw a fun ol’ party at my house for me and my kiddos tomorrow. I will make my own cake, blow up my own balloons and sing to myself.
Shit…if you can’t count on anyone else…you should at least be able to count on yourself right?
Happy almost 37th Birthday to me. BLAH!