Excuse me while I throw a hissy fit

Is it not possible for my kids to be civil to each other for FIVE flipping minutes?

They argue, whine and torment almost all the time. Mainly, it is Lilly being horrible to her brother... but he knows how to push her buttons too.

Today, my stomach was not feeling right for most of the day. Let's just say I made quite a few restroom trips today.
Anyway, tonight I felt kinda bad again, like either my ovary exploded or my appendix is unhappy. I was in the bathroom less than two minutes and I hear Lilly yelling at Riley. I open the door and yell back that if she yells or bothers him ONE. MORE. TIME.... the movie goes off and she goes right to bed.

30 seconds later, Riley is screaming and crying at the top of his lungs and running towards the bathroom. Lilly is yelling that she didn't touch him. (Really? Yeah right)
He now has a cut below his eye and is a hysterical mess. Reminder, I am still otherwise occupied in the loo.
I yell out to Lilly (over Riley's crying) to turn off the movie and go to her bed. She starts screaming and crying too and is making a million excuses.

I try to get Riley out of the bathroom so I can complete my duties and get out of there. But he won't leave the room. I finally get him outside the door and I close and lock the door. This sends him into a total nuclear meltdown. He is crying so hard that he's practically hyper-ventillating and kicking the door.

This whole fiasco has ended my Mommy duty for the day. I am done.

Did teeth get brushed? NOPE.

Did we read bedtime stories? NOPE.

Did we say prayers? NOPE.

Do I care? Well, just a smidge.

There are times, such as these, that I would actually like to still live with my exhusband (gag)... just so I can poop in peace on ocassion.

FML